we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
