i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
