My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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