I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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