if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
