would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
