What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
