Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
