look no pants
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
