They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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