if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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