I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
