Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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