u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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