Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
