sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
