ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
