just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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