I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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