there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
