Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
