just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
