I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
