Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
