I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
soo... how was my night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
