I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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