I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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