im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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