I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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