Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
