oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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