Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
