All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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