That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize