I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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