Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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