Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
