just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There r osticjed everywhere
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
