i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
