Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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