Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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