I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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