i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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