Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
