i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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