Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
