This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
