My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
