The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
