Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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