Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...

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  (314): Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship... http://tfl.nu/725d
  Replies (12) Good night (1012) Bad night (1567)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"

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  (765): I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock" http://tfl.nu/hksp
  Replies (30) Good night (9330) Bad night (1523)
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  (818): View more from California

  im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.

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  (818): im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically. http://tfl.nu/np2a
  Replies (23) Good night (2082) Bad night (6701)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.

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  (651): I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up. http://tfl.nu/q8q2
  Replies (10) Good night (3772) Bad night (1141)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.

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  (703): This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar. http://tfl.nu/4fqp
  Replies (9) Good night (2582) Bad night (990)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends

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  (440): I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends http://tfl.nu/0e7c
  Replies (22) Good night (1981) Bad night (1909)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences

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  (303): We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences http://tfl.nu/lf6j
  Replies (2) Good night (684) Bad night (954)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.

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  (617): Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council. http://tfl.nu/w0zb
  Replies (7) Good night (3050) Bad night (880)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.

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  (563): Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit. http://tfl.nu/it5v
  Replies (8) Good night (1567) Bad night (797)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"

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  (541): So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that" http://tfl.nu/ex2y
  Replies (12) Good night (2630) Bad night (1045)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.

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  (720): So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword. http://tfl.nu/ujgp
  Replies (15) Good night (2060) Bad night (663)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.

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  (410): It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions. http://tfl.nu/65l6
  Replies (1) Good night (1282) Bad night (508)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk

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  (630): Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk http://tfl.nu/5as6
  Replies (1) Good night (1224) Bad night (490)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  It's 4 in the afternoon........

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  (860): Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong (1-860): It's 4 in the afternoon........ http://tfl.nu/ra1k
  Replies (2) Good night (877) Bad night (369)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn

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  (603): This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn http://tfl.nu/xvco
  Replies (0) Good night (525) Bad night (307)

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