whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?