I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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