Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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