The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
