please come you make the beer taste better
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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