he puts the penis in happiness.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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