I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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