Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
