Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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