I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
