oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
