Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
