i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do vagina's smell?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
