I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
