my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
