I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
