Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
