I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
