What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
