I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Non-Jews are for practice
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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