look no pants
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
