Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
